Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Me: Did you get my package Master?

Master: What package?

Me: Umm, never mind.

Master: No, tell me, what package?

Me: Small package of Christmas stuff...

Master: No! But I'm going to check the lobby right now...and um, you stole my idea!!! You're a tool!

Oh, the verbal abuse! :p

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Serenity now!

I talked to my Dad about staying with Master over the break and he was very supportive. He was surprised I had asked him what he thought, since our household has never been restrictive--I often tell my parents what I am doing out of courtesy and to attenuate worry, but I never ask for permission.

In this case though, I could see how spending holiday time with my first-time boyfriend could cause bitterness and tension over Christmas. I didn't want my parents to feel devalued for wanting to spend time with Master over them; I didn't want them to think that I have suddenly been brainwashed to drop my outwardly conservative lifestyle; and because I want them to like Master, I didn't want to colour the nature of our relationship negatively.

It is a relief to have their support. I value the opinions of my family and close friends and I know that they are, at the heart of the issue, the greatest advocates for my safety and well-being. It's immensely important for me to be open with them, to trust and be trusted, and in times of distess to be able to discuss concerns without having to backtrack and justify lies or shady behavior.

Living with Master is going to be interesting. It's only for 10 days but it's more time than we have ever spent together in one chunk. Granted, he will be working, so there will be space; however it is sure to develop our dyanamic.

Master is keen on re-enforcing some protocols that have fallen to the wayside as I have been studying (ie. wearing my cuffs, collar, slave bells; kneeling by the door to wait for him to come home, curfews, having dinner ready for him etc). It's not hard stuff, but I am nervous to go back to that frame of mind. I'm also a bit nervous that more rules will mean more of a chance to slip up; and I'm anxious about physical punishments (or "just-because" beatings) since I haven't been hit in a long time and I'm sure my already low pain threshold has dropped significantly. Most of all though, I'm nervous that he'll be really strict, and it will be like the beginning where he didn't smile half as much at me, or speak to me with the same affection that he does now.

Overall though, I feel like some of these concerns are exacerbated by exam stress. In general, I'm so excited to be with him again! One more week until exams are over!