I wrote an angst-filled entry here last night but have decided to revoke it. My stress is, in turn, stressing Master and causing him to inadvertently put more pressure on me about getting things done. However, my problem isn’t lack of motivation or procrastination. I do everything I have to do, I just tend to worry about outcomes in the process. But worrying Master in the process of venting has only worsened the situation.
So, let’s forget that. This past weekend was good, as usual. I studied, we went out, we played.
A new rule was made: no eye contact when I’m wearing my collar. I like the concept. These days, I rarely feel helpless when we play since I can easily look into his eyes and plead silently for his mercy. And because he loves me, and fears that he may be really hurting me, he often gives in. This rule is good for our play; it lets him watch and enjoy my expressions while removing any power I had over him, when I inadvertently begged with puppy-dog eyes. I like it. I want to feel helpless again; I trust his judgement and want to give up power to him.