I realize now that my concern about tonight was not from anything that we tried. I ean the spanking hurt more than anticipated, but I have no doubt that with time my body will become conditioned to it. I learned that I'm not much of a masochist at all. My arousal is in any pleasure you derive from doing whatever you want to me. I want to please and serve you. My only concern was the misunderstanding about my current state of inexperience. I thought you knew, and so I went along with the [blowjob] since I figured you'd take me through it slowly. When I started getting a sense that you didn't realize the extent of my inexperience...I knew I probably should have spoken up...but I didn't. Anyway, I'm not uneasy, unhappy about the act itself but I'm worried about the miscommunication. Ultimately, it didn't hurt either of us (unless maybe my poor technique did hurt you)...but it concerned me because it was a piece of information that could have changed decision-making.
Ideally for me, that would have happened more slowly and come with more instructions. I was so terrified and confused...and I don't want to be when I am supposed to be pleasuring you. I'm not blaming you for the miscommunciation...the convo we had about this was a couple of weeks ago and over [instant messenger] and I know it's easy to get things mixed up online.I also know that I had responsibility for speaking up and voicing concern, so I think we just need to establish ways of communciating critical info. I have no doubt that this will come in time though.
I had fun tonight [and though I was] emotional, I still want very much to be yours."
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A Pretty Penny
Master asked me to post the email I sent him on Saturday night, after our eyeopening session together: