Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Ulcerated Tongue

I am over-tired. Haven't slept in over 24 hours now, but past the point of exhaustion and just want to stay in this dazed lull.

Anyway, the other day, I accidentally bit my tongue. For whatever faults I have with coordination, I can usually eat normally. However, this bite was so unexpectedly hard and sharp that it punctured my tongue, to the point where it has been throbbing constantly.

Growing up, my Mummy would always tell us a silly superstition that if you bite your tongue accidentally, someone is thinking of you. I feel like Master is thinking about me, inflicting pain on me, from so far away. I told him this and he sent me a text:

"It is me thinking of you and violating my property every moment that I am not busy. I own you and your body slave. :)"



gaijinxy said...

Greetings. I've just finished reading all of your kept me completely enthralled until I read the last words. If it's all right with your Master, I'd like to continue following your journal. It's amazing how similar your situation is to my pet's, but with some big differences, most especially that I am terribly inexperienced, as opposed to your Master, who sounds more than capable. Hence searching around the internet looking for resources like this to educate myself. I find the hard-to-find journals of submissives, journals as open as this one, to be the most useful, because they give insights into the mind of the sub that are often difficult to glean alone. My pet is keeping an old-fashioned paper journal, but we are not nearly as far along yet and I'm still teaching her how to use it. You are well aware of the importance of communication, so perhaps you can imagine the added difficulty of having a language barrier, trying to find some common ground between her terrific but imperfect English and my terrible Japanese.

I'm currently living in Japan, by the way, and keep a livejournal (which does not contain any of my developing lifestyle choice), which is how I found your fantastic journal. I wish I could play as much in public as you do, but in Japan even a kiss is a shocking display of public affection, so presently I keep outside gestures to the most subtle, but with a certain freedom of communication in our indecipherable Janglish. It's unfortunate that yours is a blogger account, but the added inconvenience of checking up on it is totally worth it. Also pleasant to read the writings of an intelligent person: you had me hooked when you used "alliteration" correctly, and your allusions to your respective careers sound quite intriguing.

I'm sorry to write on endlessly, but I did want to express my gratitude. Many compliments to your Master and I dearly hope he'll not be opposed to me profiting a bit from his experience and ingenuity. I also feel for you as you are apart; I just returned from two weeks vacation in Thailand and it was terribly difficult, so I can't imagine...five weeks, was it? In solicitude, however, I rather expect it to strengthen rather than weaken your relationship. Again, a pleasure to read. Sitting here just back from vacation and sick, missing a day of work my first week back, to find the details of a relationship so in line with my own nascent creation is definitely the bright light on a long day's journey into night.

his_new_pet said...

Hi Gaijinxy,

Sorry for the delay in responding. Master has been encouraging me to bring readers in as we find it helpful to share our story and get feedback from others. Journaling helps me reflect and express feelings that are sometimes difficult to talk about; however, if that was all I needed from writing, Master would perhaps by more inclined to give me a private journal. However, I think it is always human nature to want to be heard, to seek understanding, to long for relatable experiences, to desire empathy. The advent of internet journaling has indeed enabled us to be both seek and be sought after for our knowledge and our experiences; to share ourselves so thoroughly, but often with the perceived safety-net of distance, and anonymity between ourselves and our readers. These words I write here, I sometimes have difficulty admitting to myself, making it impossible to even discuss verbally with others. However, just knowing that there are others out there reading our story, and knowing what is happening in our lives, provides a sense of support and attenuates the feelings of isolation and loneliness which lifestyles that are detached from mainstream society can instigate. So, partially for selfish reasons, I actually encourage you to keep on reading and to continue following our story.
However, for your benefit, I also think it is important. I've been immersed in this lifestyle for many years through fantasy and literature and online resources, and while the translation to reality is sometimes quite different, I think that all the research, reading, and attempt to learn from others has helped me to understand my own values and what I am looking for from this lifestyle. I think an important aspect of domming is understanding yourself and what you want out of your sub. It is very difficult to control another person, if you do not know what you want out of the relationship or how to achieve it. I think a great way to discover yourself is to read the stories of others. Even if you disagree with the way other people do things, exposure to these ways at least give an appreciation for how you would like to approach situations.

Theory is always different from practical experience, but I think reading and learning about relatable people always helps—both in terms of tangible advice, and also through the emotional support of knowing that other people are making relationships work in the context of this lifestyle. I think reading about other subs will also help you get to know your sub better. Despite many of our different walks of life and our rationale for desiring submission, many subs share a similar mindframe when they are in the submissive role. By getting more submissive perspectives, I think you’ll be able to better understand your sub; and thus have more confidence in controlling and manipulating her, but also caring for her. This understanding may be made more difficult by the language difficulties, so I think it’s really great that you are making all the efforts possible to understand her point of view.
Likewise, I am always drawn in by intellect and good writing, and your response was very thoughtful. I must thank you for your support so far…it really feels nice to get such kind and warm responses. If you have any questions at all, keep in touch and by all means ask. I’d love to hear more about how your relationship is progressing too. There is so much I still need to learn too!

I look forward to keeping in touch!

Abgrund said...

Thank you for your warm response. I have a Google account I use for writing-related email, gbscribner (G. B. Scribner is the fictional author of the novel I'm working on completing), so I thought I'd put together a Blogger account, just as an empty journal to connect with the D/s scene. My name is William and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. (I'm more comfortable with names than handles.)

It went from sunny and hot to pouring rain here, a typical summer day in Japan. I hope your respective trips are going well, with better weather. Luckily, I'm a big fan of rain.

Your comment was very encouraging, since it pretty well described exactly how I've been going about things. I also have a fair background in the fantasy and literature and the like, as my decision to pursue this as a lifestyle was hardly a whim. I'm sure you know what I mean. I was amused, as well, when one of your posts evoked a phrase from the Kushiel series by Carey. I can hardly believe that you got the phrase from anywhere else. As you said, though, I've found creating a reality to be utterly different from any fantasy. Far more intriguing, but rather like building from the ground up: fantasy seems to do little to inform the ways of thinking, the methods, the structure of the reality. I am thoroughly enjoying it, as my mind thrives on these sorts of problems. It is one of the reasons I think another kind of relationship could never be truly satisfying--not enough evolution and striving. I need the constant change and progress that is the foundation of D/s.

My pet, on the other hand, is new even to the concept of D/s. I wrote a rather long post today on the subject while searching around for other communities and people I could learn from, because I ran into the question, "can you introduce a vanilla to submission?" This is exactly my situation, and if you're interested, the link is below, under gaijinxy:

I'm still rather amazed that things have worked out so well thus far. I am quite willing to share how things are going, though I don't intend to have either myself or my girl keep an online journal detailing our relationship at the moment. I can't even keep up with my other journal, things have been so hectic. However, I am very happy to have a new resource and a friendly voice in the "scene," as we used to say in LA, and I'll keep up with your journeys. I'll certainly take advantage of your offer and pester you with questions if any come up!

Postscript. I've discussed quite a few bits of your journal with my pet and they resonated strongly with her. For example, the symbolism of kissing hands and feet. I think she would very much enjoy reading your journal, but unfortunately I think the English is rather too difficult for her. She's found one Japanese girl's journal she follows religiously, and I'm trying to encourage her to find such independent links with the bdsm community in general and explore her likes and dislikes. Even if at one remove, your ideas are having a formative hand in her developing submissive identity, and I thought you'd like to know your thoughts and experiences can have such impact on others.

his_new_pet said...

I'm delighted that you find this journal to be of such great value and I'm sure Master will be too.I'm sure that if things are working out well in the difficult, emotionally-charged beginning stages where new norms are being established, then with contiued work, you can both acheive a happy future together. :)

Not sure what the best way to keep in touch is, but if you intend to keep reading here, you can always let me know how it's going with you sub through the comments. Are you living in Japan permenantly or are you moving back to the States? If so, is your sub coming with you?

Now, you've piqued my curiosity with your comment "I was amused, as well, when one of your posts evoked a phrase from the Kushiel series by Carey." I am familiar with the existence of the series (recommended to me by a vanilla friend in seriosu denial of her own inner kinkiness) but I tend to read only when I am commuting and thus, stick to vanilla-friendly literature. So I'd be interested to know the post to which you are referring. I do have a tendency to allude to classic literature, and pop culture though. :)

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