The incident occurred while meeting Master’s best friend, X, for the first time. Master and X have been friends from childhood but they haven’t seen each other in a while. X has a wife: Y. We went out for dinner with X and Y, and then we went back to their place.
Y's conversations were centered around domestic life: the baby, family, the house, décor, organizing, cooking, cleaning etc. Whenever she mentioned some domestic task that she needed to attend to, Master would automatically chime and volunteer my services. Although he was joking, his persistent: “she’ll come over and clean for you whenever you want” really started to irritate me.
When Y noted that she hadn’t gone grocery shopping and didn’t have any food in the house, Master volunteered me to go with her to the store and help her pick up what she needed.
This is where I got really frustrated and worked up and my eyes started tearing up like a bratty, little child. Thank goodness no one but Master saw. He was, however, thoroughly perplexed by my reaction.
In retrospect, I know I overreacted, but for sake of explanation here are three reasons why this incident upset me so much:
1. I was annoyed by Master’s offering of my domestic services. My first thoughts jumped how he had 'no right' to do that; to offer me out to others, to reduce me to a maid. I felt devalued, embarrassed.It took me a few breaths to regain my composure and evaluate the situation. I was upset at the time, but I later realized that I was overreacting. I have trouble obeying orders when they don’t align with my desires. However, I do realize that being an owned woman, means doing what Master wants. It’s easy when his commands are sexual in nature, or if I get gratification from a task; it’s harder when tasks are uncomfortable or inconvenient. However, as a submissive, I should not be allowed to pick and chose what I want to obey. Belonging to him means doing whatever he wants, even if I’m not thrilled about it.
Beyond this, I should be thrilled to serve him and obey him. Master is very good to me, and makes a lot of sacrifices and compromises for me. Even without the D/s dynamic, just within the context of a loving, vanilla relationship, I should be giving back to him with an open heart. I love him and a lot and want to please him, but to do that I must stop being self-centered and think more about serving him.
2. Alongside anger, I was upset by the fact that Master was sending me away from him. Prior to his offer of my assistance, I was sitting by his side. He was chatting to X, I was chatting to Y. I wasn’t interrupting his conversation, or being a nuisance. And yet, despite promises to keep me close that weekend (see previous post) he was very quick to dismiss me. Being in a particularly needy mood, this really upset me.
Later, when I looked at the situation from Y’s and Master’s point of views, I realized once again that I was in the wrong.
Y needed to get a few things from the grocery store. It would have been very rude of us to all stay behind, and let her go by herself. It would have made her feel isolated and, had I been in her shoes, I would have been annoyed. I was in a very selfish mood and wanted to stay close to Master but I should have actually volunteered myself—like a polite, well-mannered girl—instead of being told by Master. I was so focused on my need to cling to Master that my basic etiquette disappeared.
From Master’s perspective, Master and X hadn’t seen each other in a long time. If I had been thinking about Master’s needs, I would have realized that he might want some time to just chat with X. Going out to the store gave them the perfect opportunity to bond, while I bonded with Y. I realize that I should not cling to Master in order to fulfill my own need for attention, and that I should take more time to consider the needs of others.
3. I was frustrated about the concept of the men staying behind, and chatting, and relaxing, and watching sports while the women had to go out—baby in tow!—and do the domestic stuff. Master and X could have insisted that Y should just stay and relax, and that the groceries weren’t important at this very moment. Instead, they seemed perfectly happy with sending us on our way. I hate the idea of being relegated to women’s work. I also got a little freaked out by a hypothetical glimpse at our future: Master reclining on a chair, watching TV…perfectly oblivious to me as I fussed over a baby, and cleaned the house. Ugh. The imagery makes my skin crawl.
Anyway, I got over this one just by talking to Master and hearing him reaffirm his belief system about domestic life, reaffirming that he wants to be an involved husband and father. I have to realize that ordering me to do isolated domestic task does not mean that he will one day trap me in the house and refuse to let me do anything by cook, clean and have his babies.
I have to remember that there is a reason why Master and I get along so well; and it’s because we have similar core beliefs. I have to remember that the reason why I’m still submitting to him, is because I trust him to make good decisions for us and to act in our best interests. And it is in neither of our best interests to relegate me to the world of traditional women’s work and stop me from having a life beyond the home.
After we left X and Y’s place, Master asked me why I had gotten upset—asked me if he had said something inconsiderate. While Master’s words made me upset and frustrated, he was not in the wrong. It was me who was being hypersensitive and inconsiderate. I love him for not getting upset at me, for trying to tease out the reasoning behind my reaction, for wanting to make things better.
I love him an awful lot, so much that my heart swells just thinking of him. I am so ready to get back to serving him properly.